Our Little Announcement

So AGAIN it has been a while since I have written. That is for two reasons. #1 is that I've been pretty darn sick. #2 is that I was afraid I would "blab" the news before we were ready to tell people. ;-) Our news, you might ask? We have baby #3 on the way. :-) We've known for about 5 weeks now but, since suffering two miscarriages over the course of the past few years, we like to wait until we have reached a somewhat "safer" part of the pregnancy. I also wanted to wait until we had our first ultrasound. I've had two kids now - and yet even with having TWO positive pregnancy tests, daily morning sickness, and sickness throughout the day, I am always petrified at my first ob appointment that they will say, I"m so sorry, sweetie - you are just fat. There is no baby." :-) No joke - that is my fear. :-) 

Some may ask, "Okay, we've read the birth stories of the other two. She CLEARLY said that she was DONE having kids after she had Matthew." Yep, I know. I blame peer pressure. There are so many friends on facebook that are pregnant that I got the 'baby bite". I expect large presents! Just kidding. Actually, I thought I WAS done after Matthew. I have difficult pregnancies. And while I have been blessed that they haven't involved early hospitalization or bed rest, vomiting for 30 some straight weeks is HARD on the body. And having to be induced with each one, enduring long labors and hard deliveries and high blood pressure and such makes it so much harder to have any more. I had told Rich that I was done...he wasn't convinced. We went back and forth, and I will admit that we had many an argument over it. I also don't do well on most birth control medicines. Any that have ANY form of hormone in them make me sick b/c my body is just THAT SENSITIVE to any form of extra hormone. Anyway, we fought back and forth. We both came from families of two kids - one boy and one girl. I was totally happy with where we were at. Plus, the cost of children. Many of our friends here and at our church home school their kids. We, however, just are NOT on board with that and unless God drastically changes our hearts and minds, that is NOT an option for us. I'm not slamming home school, so please don't start the hate mail. But, I do believe it is a personal decision each parent needs to weigh VERY carefully and coming from a background and degree in education, I come from a very different standpoint than others. Maybe some day I'll write on that if anyone cares. Anyway, children are EXPENSIVE and while we believe that God provides for the little ones He gives us, we also believe in counting the cost and being able to properly care for the ones He has given us charge over. So, back and forth we went, weighing the pros and cons of having a baby, with Rich always saying, "Please one more?"

Then, one evening while Rich was away at his grandfather's funeral, it really hit me. I wanted one more. I was actually a little startled to hear myself saying it in my head - b/c I KNOW what it involves for myself and my body. I also knew that Matty's pregnancy was worse than Cae's, which I thought was bad enough. So the likelihood that this one would be even harder was a great possibility. And with being thousands of miles away from family, not having any help, and already having two kids to care for, it was scary. But, I also knew in my heart of hearts that this was FROM GOD that my heart had changed to having this desire again. The funny thing is...after I had Matthew, I packed up ALL of my maternity clothes to sell. When I stopped pumping milk for Matty, I got the pump ready to sell. I had all of Cae's baby clothes in bags - but I couldn't bring myself to sell anything. And that was when I really was "DONE" with having kids. The Lord knows. ;-) 

So, after telling Rich of my change of heart, I sat him down and went through some MAJOR fears and hurdles I felt we needed to overcome before we'd try for #3. I'm a worrier by nature. I've always (until I had Caelynn) had a job, earned an income that I could fully sustain myself on, and also have a little savings. It was a safety net for me. After I had Caelynn, I stopped working so I could stay home with her. We moved to Colorado and suddenly my entire financial "stability" was on my husband. I was okay for a while but I specifically remember a panic attack I had at like 3 a.m. one morning after I had just had Matty. I was feeding him, holding this tiny newborn in my arms and I broke into a sweat. "What if Rich loses his job? We have ZERO savings. We have credit card debt. We aren't financially prepared. What if one of the kids gets sick. What if... What if... What if...." It was HORRIBLE. I didn't want to go through that again. So I told Rich I really wanted us to get financially secure before we had another child and have 2 of our 4 debts paid off. So, I set a date - a goal for us. Rich agreed we needed to be more on track financially but didn't agree with me setting a "deadline" on God. Several months later I started to feel convicted about it. I WAS setting a deadline on God. A condition of sorts. A "I'm willing to have another baby IF You do...." That is so wrong! So, we got serious about our finances but at the same time decided that we'd let God take the reigns and bring our little one when He felt we were ready for it.

Meantime, we started doing "Financial Peace University" with Dave Ramsey online. It has been LIFE CHANGING for us. We have been able to pay off one debt totally and should be finished with our 2nd debt by June, Lord willing. What was my original goal? 2 debts paid by the time we start trying for a baby. By the time our little one arrives, we should be well on our way to paying off #3 (out of 4 total) of our debts. What was the date I had set? January 1st. When did I get pregnant? Sometime during the week before Christmas. Amazing how God works, huh? ;-)

Here is a picture of our little one, due sometimes around September 14th. My blood pressure is already a little bit high so the likelihood that I will be induced early again is a real possibility. I'm guessing I'll go earlier. THe funny thing - both of my kids came EXACTLY either one week before or after their due date. Both were induced. Both were induced on a Monday and born on a Tuesday. Maybe I should request the same for this one if we have to go through the induction route. Easier to remember. ;-)